Evenings at Lalbagh is very
pleasant. Specially the seat right in front of the lake. We both go there and
just sit watching the birds flying and touching the waters. Mostly we are silent, just enjoying the
moments of being together. We talk about
what each of us like, what happened that day in our work places, whom we like,
how are the marriage preparations going on, whether the invitation cards were
printed and so on. Whatever we expressed
was all positive and both of us were very excited about the future ahead of
us. Those moments were very special,
surprisingly there was not even one point which we contradicted. The excitement had over-shadowed smallest
disagreements or we did not share one, or even if there was one failed to
recognize the presence of such differences.
However, I always felt that I was a very open person and expressing
whatever passed through my mind. It was more than a month since we had accepted
to get wedded.
We were unknown to each other just a
month ago. It all started with
responding to a formal proposal published by him for which my father responded.
After the basic acceptance of our letter, there was a formal visit of him with
his father and his aunt. This process
has happened with several of the grooms who had made such formal proposals. Though there were several of them which were
positive, I wasn't sure and kept dilly-dallying. I was
not sure of anything and the responses from the other side did not matter for
me. To my surprise I received a call to
my office and the question was direct, "I am the doctor who met you on
Wednesday, what is your opinion about me?".
I had no answer. I was a bit confused and my response was not
instant. I asked "why don’t you come
home, so that we can talk face to face?".
I was not nervous, I neither had a yes or a no, but there was a sense of
excitement about what is all this happening to me. He was to go to his clinic and he could spare
some time before that. I was still undecided;
I was waiting to listen from him. He came
and sat and I could find a genuine smile on his face. Like an interviewer, I just poured questions
on him, right from his education, to his job, to his family, his beliefs and so
on. He responded calmly and was very
clear on what he said. After his prompt
responses, he said, "can I leave, my patients will be waiting in the clinic". I
said "yes, can you please wait", saying this, I walked out of the drawing
room, stood behind the wall and made a gesture to my father to come out, as he
came, I whispered what would be my answer, without a second thought he said "Yes". With no other thought in mind, I
walked into the drawing room and said we have accepted your proposal. He just
gave a simple smile and our talk did not end.
After that day our meetings never
ended. We spoke our heart to each other.
Nothing hid in any corner of our hearts and minds. I was more talkative, he absorbed everything
I expressed. My thoughts were just rapid
and spouted like a fountain. End of each day I started thinking was it the
right thing I did. I mulled over the past happenings contemplating on many
things. I did not spare even things like the guys who were interested in me and
the list of guys on whom I had a liking. I also shared with him the problems I faced in
my relationships and how I overcame and so on.
After talking about my older
friendship, I went on a low ebb. My heart started hammering and mind getting
filled with unwanted stuff and I started giving casual expressions. I attempted to exhibit the same kind of
excitement, but could not maintain the same tempo. I started feeling if I am betraying him who
has started dreaming a great future together, which I didn’t wanted to do. We had spoken even things like having
children and how lucky they would be to have us as parents. He had also told me never be harsh with kids
as they would have lesser power than us. We had calculated our income and
expenditure and how do we manage them. I
was wondering if the mind could be more silent than being pushed by thoughts. A few days followed with more of our silence.
Though we moved out together visiting
temples, parks and various food joints, Lalbagh lake had been our cool spot.
The cool wind was more soothing and brought serenity to the ambience. Many couples would be waiting to occupy the
seat right in front of the lake. We hardly missed it as we would rush much
earlier than others. Squirrels had no
fear of people, they were friendly and would come and collect groundnuts from
us. That was the day, we silently walked
on the grass and reached the spot. We
started gazing the lake filling the beauty into our senses. I broke the silence and asked him, "do you
sing". He was happy to share that he has
been singing since his childhood. I requested, "can you sing a song for me". Without
taking a minute, he just got fully involved and started singing. I never knew about his talent and never
thought him to be a soul-searching singer.
The song was one of the well-known Kannada poets K. S. Nissar Ahmed, who
recognizes the fact that no one is spared from not being disturbed by the old
memories intervening the present. When
he started rendering this song, I went into deep silence, it touched my heart
and my eyes were closed.
The lines of the song addresses the
past memories and requests them not to come into the mind with uncalled
excuses, when I chose to forget them deliberately. Why you memories revert and
stir the calm waters of my mind and make it muddy? It is true that many old memories are sweet
but the sweetness will leave an imprint on your mind and lead you to a kind of
life time yearning, when you want to be happy and be in present. The present
becomes worse because of such memories.
The song was so apt, it just mirrored the
deepened thoughts in me. Further, it
also says, why do you bring the dead remains of the past and throw it in my
altar, I have now taken a step forward and facing a beautiful bright future, in
such a situation don’t come and stab me from my back. I was amazed listening to the song. How, someone can put the exact feelings one
has in the form of a poetry and that to rendered in such a soul touching tune
and voice. He finished the song and
looked deep into my eyes. I still could
not express. I found the whole
environment around me still and silent.
The trees were meditating and witnessing what was happening. The water in the lake was still and the sun’s
orange rays reflected in the waters. I
could feel the same rays passing my eyes and a bright aura around me. It was
already 6pm suddenly the water fountain in the mid of the lake raised up,
dancing to the rhythm of the song I was humming. I had no doubts and no second
thoughts. I was ready to face a new life with no baggage and step forward for a
new life.
